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The best software engineering jokes on the web

Hack Reactor

a woman laughing at a joke on her computer

Bugs, incomplete requirements, and bad QA: The life of a software engineer can be frustrating sometimes.  

Why not take a break and enjoy some jokes and humorous quotes about programmers, coding, and languages:

"A programmer finds himself in front of a committee that decides whether he should go to Heaven or Hell.  The committee tells the programmer he has a say in the matter and asks him if he wants to see either Heaven or Hell before stating his preference.

'Sure,' the programmer replies.  'I have a pretty good idea what Heaven is like, so let’s see Hell.'

So, an angel takes the programmer to a sunny beach full of beautiful women listening to music and having a great time.

'Wow!' he exclaims, 'Hell looks great! I’ll take Hell!'

Instantly the programmer finds himself in red-hot lava with demons tearing at his flesh.  

'Where’s the beach?  The music?  The women?' he screams frantically to the angel.

'That was the demo,' the angel replies.

- via DevTopics

"A programmer’s wife asks him, 'Would you go to the shop and pick up a loaf of bread? And if they have eggs, get a dozen.' The programmer goes to the store and returns home with 12 loaves of bread. 'They had eggs,' he explained."

- via DCSI Software

"A software engineer, a hardware engineer, and a departmental manager were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The occupants were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

'I know,' said the departmental manager. 'Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.'

'No, no,' said the hardware engineer. 'That will take far too long, and that method has never worked before. In no time at all, I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.'

'Wait,' said the software engineer. 'Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.'"

- via WorkJoke

"When I wrote this code, only me and God knew how it works. Now only God knows..."

– via SoloLearn

"A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it, it’s not that good."

- via HackerNoon

"At a recent real-time Java conference, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: 

'If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?'

Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off."

- via University of Northern Iowa Department of Computer Science

"A programmer is a person who fixes a problem you don’t know you have in a way that you don’t understand."

- via HongKiat

“Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day. Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime.”

- via The Coder Pedia

"Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you’re also the murderer."

- via Morioh

There are two eternal problems in traditional software engineering:

  1. Garbage collection2. Naming things3. Off-by-one errors

– via UpJoke

"There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. The other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."

- C.A.R. Hoare, via ByteScout

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

 – Rick Cook, via GoodReads

"If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs."

– via BetterProgramming

"Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin for 'still doesn’t work.'”

– via JournalDev

"Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job."

– Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering, via IT History Society

"Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems available, they will create their own problems."

– via codeslaw

— via Randall Munroe, xkcd

— via Cornel and Constantin, monkeyuser.com